The great storm, raging inside. My heart carries the weight and burden of imperfection and flaw. The thunder rolls through, shaking my entire foundation, penetrating my soul; serving me as a constant reminder of my past mistakes and vulnerable, sometimes, visible weaknesses.
The lighting strikes and stings my already unprotected, delicate heart. Leaving a bitter sweet pain a thousand times a second, in great amounts. My heart no longer beats vibrantly with the rich redness it used to, but slowly, painstakingly. The rain from my tears washes away ever last ounce of progress and color, leaving me with a clear, invisible heart. Showing through my entity, it touches my life. The water fills my heart, it is consuming. Yet again, the pain rapidly overflows from my heart, causing the tears that are already freely flowing to fall just as quickly as I have.
My heart is obliterated; any small amount of progress feels like moving a mountain. It seems to disappear quicker than it is built. Climbing the slope, it is slippery. Falling is easy, its climbing back up that becomes the problem. Addictions and the consequences haunt me, they achieve their job best at night, oh how I long for the sunrise. Just make this go away...
Painfully removing the poison I gave myself, the memories of frailty and fragile faults. Every rose has its thorn. I am living a slow death. I slowly gave up. I am chained to to myself, I long to be freed from myself, for redemption, to be found, to burn bright, to be healed. I got in too deep. Contradictions and blame, sorrow, regret and shame, run through my already busied mind, taunting me I bow my head to hide from the only one who can bring me to my stable higher ground. The questions weigh on my mind, carried with a price, which is almost overwhelming; I am buried by my thoughts, the grave digger, myself. Burying myself alive.
I used to be worth my weight in gold. I have just lost my way, but I know the way home. I don’t know how I have slipped so far away. Every mistake and stumble and down fall and broken promise replays in my mind; permanently ingrained into my head, each like a unique finger print, searing deeper into my soul. I am desperate, I thirst for redemption. What I would give to be able to rip out a few pages of my memory.
Every beat hurts, causing a flinch and cry of pain. How much longer must I feel this way? Will I ever be able to love myself? Will I ever conquer with strength and determination? Is my victory nigh at hand with the sunrise? Is not a woman’s heart Gods grandest of creations? Oh how I would tremble and fall to my face in His powerful presence. I would not want him to see my battered heart and tattered soul. What worth does God have with my wounded, barely beating, over used chained heart?
My thoughts are racing like little race cars maxing out their speed...Will I ever be good enough, or will I just be defeat? Can I fix this? Will it get better? I wish I could run to Him...but I fear His face, His disappointment in my weakness, I failed him. He trusted me...I have become the definition of a beautiful disaster. This is more torment than I can take, this demon, its like I can’t face down.
This just ain't right, I am not the girl I am supposed to be, I'm not me. I am not who I want to be. I am flawed. I am isolated. My defense is paper thin. No matter what, I gotta get this together...I can’t wait till I make it right. My hope dangles on a string. I am cleaning up. I can take one more hit, I can handle it. I am not done fighting, I wont give up. I can get through this. I will wait on the good Lord to make me better...
The lighting strikes and stings my already unprotected, delicate heart. Leaving a bitter sweet pain a thousand times a second, in great amounts. My heart no longer beats vibrantly with the rich redness it used to, but slowly, painstakingly. The rain from my tears washes away ever last ounce of progress and color, leaving me with a clear, invisible heart. Showing through my entity, it touches my life. The water fills my heart, it is consuming. Yet again, the pain rapidly overflows from my heart, causing the tears that are already freely flowing to fall just as quickly as I have.
My heart is obliterated; any small amount of progress feels like moving a mountain. It seems to disappear quicker than it is built. Climbing the slope, it is slippery. Falling is easy, its climbing back up that becomes the problem. Addictions and the consequences haunt me, they achieve their job best at night, oh how I long for the sunrise. Just make this go away...
Painfully removing the poison I gave myself, the memories of frailty and fragile faults. Every rose has its thorn. I am living a slow death. I slowly gave up. I am chained to to myself, I long to be freed from myself, for redemption, to be found, to burn bright, to be healed. I got in too deep. Contradictions and blame, sorrow, regret and shame, run through my already busied mind, taunting me I bow my head to hide from the only one who can bring me to my stable higher ground. The questions weigh on my mind, carried with a price, which is almost overwhelming; I am buried by my thoughts, the grave digger, myself. Burying myself alive.
I used to be worth my weight in gold. I have just lost my way, but I know the way home. I don’t know how I have slipped so far away. Every mistake and stumble and down fall and broken promise replays in my mind; permanently ingrained into my head, each like a unique finger print, searing deeper into my soul. I am desperate, I thirst for redemption. What I would give to be able to rip out a few pages of my memory.
Every beat hurts, causing a flinch and cry of pain. How much longer must I feel this way? Will I ever be able to love myself? Will I ever conquer with strength and determination? Is my victory nigh at hand with the sunrise? Is not a woman’s heart Gods grandest of creations? Oh how I would tremble and fall to my face in His powerful presence. I would not want him to see my battered heart and tattered soul. What worth does God have with my wounded, barely beating, over used chained heart?
My thoughts are racing like little race cars maxing out their speed...Will I ever be good enough, or will I just be defeat? Can I fix this? Will it get better? I wish I could run to Him...but I fear His face, His disappointment in my weakness, I failed him. He trusted me...I have become the definition of a beautiful disaster. This is more torment than I can take, this demon, its like I can’t face down.
This just ain't right, I am not the girl I am supposed to be, I'm not me. I am not who I want to be. I am flawed. I am isolated. My defense is paper thin. No matter what, I gotta get this together...I can’t wait till I make it right. My hope dangles on a string. I am cleaning up. I can take one more hit, I can handle it. I am not done fighting, I wont give up. I can get through this. I will wait on the good Lord to make me better...
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